Marty’s Rules of Life and Etiquette

These are My rules and ideas of etiquette - hard won - mine, not yours.  You may have some cool ideas and want to contribute.  Well, write your own damn list!

Marty’s Rules of Life and (Some) Etiquette (A work in progress.)

1. Most important life rule.  Never make someone feel guilty for the things they have done wrong. (Never Ever) Just don’t. I could write a rather long essay on this one. Maybe later.
2. Never get angry with your children.  You can use tough love or whatever but DO NOT get angry.
3. While we are on the subject, don’t get impatient with your children.  They are little. They are learning this new body and new life.  They are going to take a little longer doing things than you will.  Let them help.
4. One more on the kids.  DO NOT correct them on their reality.  They tell a story and get details wrong.  Don’t correct them.  They will figure it out.  By constantly correcting them they will start thinking their is something wrong with their reality and the way they think.  Let their imagination run wild.  You kill that, you kill them.
5. Never spend more than you make.
6. Never spend more than you make. (Did I say that already?)  Have you read all the ‘get rich’ and ‘millionaire’ books?  That is one underlying theme of all of those books.
7. If you are married and have children, take time with your spouse every week for a couple of hours.  A good couple of hours - no phones, no kids, NO interruptions. Dress up and go on a date at least once a month.
8. Listen to your spouse.  (This doesn't mean 'get them to listen to me!'.  If you listen to them, they will eventually listen to you.)
9. In a relationship, once something is dealt with, don’t bring it up again.  Just don’t.  If you had a disagreement on how to handle things and sorted it, well then, it is sorted.  Try and keep your agreement on it and allow that your spouse is probably trying to do the same.
10. Do some things for yourself.  And enjoy it.  Have some fun in life.
11. If something in life, work or wherever isn’t working then change it.  But if it is improving, just a little bit, you may want to hang on for a bit and keep trying.
12. Dress nicely.  One of my boys told me that dressing nicely when you are out or going to someone’s to visit is a sign of respect for that person.  It is so true.
13. Don’t wait for someone to reach out to you.  One of my mother’s ‘truisms’.  Be the one to call or write first(second, third and forth if need be).  Don’t bother getting upset if that person never is the one to call - it’s not worth it.
14. A Facebook ‘Happy Birthday’ or ‘like’ is not what I consider real communication.  Call or send a card.
15. Drugs: I honestly think that the worst one in the world is marijuana.  For a couple of reasons.  One, people in general have gotten the idea that it is not harmful which is a total falsehood.  Secondly, it makes one not care.  So, even if you are stressing about whether or not to do pot, just light up and you don’t have to think about it anymore.
16. Never ever be mean.  It never pays.  Makes you feel dirty.  Be selfish:  be kind - it feels good. Again: Be kind.
17. No such thing as ‘constructive criticism’.  As the saying goes, ‘If you can’t say something nice, shut the fuck up.’
18. Do something good for someone or something outside your family or yourself or your job.  For free.
19. Whatever work you do, do it for the sake of the work and not for the money.  Money is good, but when you are working, do what you are doing when you are doing it and not thinking about all sorts of other shit.
20. If you are having some sort of emotional problem, figure out the cause or some way to handle.  Drugs suck and they will over time make it worse.  I’m talking legal or illegal.
21. Everyone is different.
22. Eat your vegetables.
23. Keep the stressful things or people out of your life as much as possible.  Remember that everyone has a difficult time now and again so don’t kick someone out of your life because they are having a bad day.
24. My sister pointed out to me once that if you come away from someone feeling ‘slimed’ or uncomfortable then you may not want to be around that person anymore.  Good advice.  Surround yourself with those that are uplifting.
25. Stay out of the passing lane unless you are passing.  Minimally check your rear view mirror regularly.  You should be doing this anyway but if you are in the left lane, then do it more often.  And for god’s sake if someone is coming up behind you going faster then get the hell out of the way.  (This is not only good manners it also in many places a legal point now.)
26. Drink lots of water.
27. Don’t drink diet soda.  If you have to drink soda, drink the stuff with sugar.
28. Speaking of sugar, keep that to a minimum.  Causes yeast infections, cancer - all sorts of ills.
29. If something is wrong figure it out; don’t just mask the symptoms.  I’m talking physical or emotional ‘wrong’ here.
30. Alcohol: be temperate(look that up if you don’t know what it means.)
31. Don't ever ask someone to be grateful.  If you cannot just do the good thing to very simply do a good thing, well, don't bother.
32. Guys: Put the seat down after going potty.
33. Give the lady the view of the room.
34. Justify it any way you want but promiscuity will not make you happy.
35. Research.  The biggest problem with researching today is that there is almost too much information out there.  But whatever problems you are having it is likely someone else has come up with a solution.  And everyone is different so not every solution is going to fit everyone.
36. If you can read and write and have basic math skills all you really need to be able to do then is research.
37. Here is a biggie - most people won’t do this but… If you have an issue with someone, talk to them.  If you feel there is something unsaid, ask them.  If there is something you need to say, say it.  The other side of this is that you don’t have to communicate with someone when it messes with your integrity.
38. Never force the child to apologize.  You just cannot force that kind of communication and have anything come good out of it.  Goes for adults as well.  In a business situation if you feel that a customer deserves an apology, then apologize.  Don’t force your staff to give an insincere one.  It’s an integrity thing.
39. Learn how to drive a standard and how to shoot a gun. Make sure your kids can do the same.  And learn about safety of both.
40. Never stop learning.
41. If you watch TV, limit yourself.
42. Try and have at least one sit down family meal a day.  No TV, phones etc.
43. Read to your kids when they are little.  And let them see you read.  Children mimic - that is how they learn.  So, try not to be an idiot.
44. Vote locally.  It matters more.
45. Do something creative in life.  Kurt Vonnegut said it best.  Look up the quote.
46. Don’t read or post political stuff on Facebook.
47. Never threaten to leave.
48. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.
49. Be willing to be wrong.
50. Read “Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley.
51. Read “A Child’s Christmas In Wales” by Dylan Thomas
52. Don't pass on bad news.  There is never really any good reason to do so.
53. Let your kids do stuff.  Let them contribute.  For lot of reasons.   You need to let them or encourage them to make their own decisions from as early as possible.  I see too many that just can’t move out of the house because they don’t know what to do.  Don’t know how to work - can’t really make their own decisions ‘cause mom or dad were making them for the first 20 years.  We all gotta make our own mistakes.
54. Get a least a little bit of exercise every day.  Don’t wait until the kids are grown or until ‘whatever’ - by then it will be too late - you knees will be gone or some other reason.  Start early and don’t stop.  You don't need to be fanatical about this.  A 20 minute walk every day will work wonders both physically and spiritually. And don't take your phone with you.
55. Keep away from ‘fat-free’ foods.  Fat is where the flavour is and it is what fills you up.  You take the fat out of food and you will crave carbs and THAT(carbs) WILL make you fat.
56. I’m a big proponent for homeschooling. Time and again I’ve seen spectacular results.  BUT it doesn’t work for everyone.  Where ever your child get schooled, don’t dump the responsibility of their education and care on the school.  One for one, I’ve observed, where the parent stays in communication with their children, they do better.  Whether they are in public school, private school or being home schooled. They are your kids. They chose you.  Listen to them.
57. Have one or two friends of the opposite sex.  Other than your spouse.  Don't flirt with them.  Don't ever have sex with them - sex has ruined more relationships...!  Care about them.  Be interested.  This will help balance you.  Write them or call them now and again.
58. Have a Christmas Card list and send to it each season.
59. Try and do something good outside your circle.  Something to help society be a better place.
60. Sweat pants are not pants.